i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
