Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
