can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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