I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
