You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
