I wanna bring you to show and tell
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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