I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
