So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
