I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
