so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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