It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
