Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
