My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
