he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my liver is dry heaving
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
