Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
