i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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