I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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