Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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