i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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