I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
