We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
