i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
