He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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