i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
