you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
