some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
