i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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