Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
