where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
