the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
