No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
