what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
