the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
