Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
