I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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