I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
