so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
