The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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