I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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