There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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