yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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