We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
