I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
