I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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