When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
