Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
