Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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