i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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