id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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