the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
