you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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