how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
