Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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