I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
